Old and New

So the old generation set up some rules and barriers for the generations to follow... so when does some other generation make some other rules and barriers for the generations yet to follow?

Let The Buds Bloom Into The Yellows and Purples, Not Blow Into The Crimsons.

There's so much stuff I wish I could say to everyone I know but unfortunately, they'll have to wait. So many things I want to tell people on the face and so many things I really want to bring light upon, but they'll have to wait.

They'll have to wait for like, when I'm 24 or something, when I'm done with my Master's degree/ still doing my Master's degree/ living a life on my own. 

The society should just stop being a society and be a fragment of nothing for all it does is set rules for people they certainly didn't give birth to but were just forced to be a part of them. Even if you did give birth to me, dear society, you are, by NO means, the person to decide what I am to do in life and what I am to not do in life. My affirmations and my negations apply to me alone and I can think of the consequences. You are not the God in my life. 

So kindly take your own seat without using up half of my seat.

Boo.

Saturday, 10th December: 36th Annual Sports Meet. I love March Past. Santosh house second for March Past AND overall. I am part of one amazing house. We used to be one of the crappiest house for so many years and I used to despise it. Now I am SO glad I stuck onto it. Next year it's first place man, first place. 


Anywho, I have my exams going on currently so blah blah. I study. Woohoo!


Blogging is sort of hard to keep up with. 


Chemistry exam this Wednesday and JB's birthday. I get excited for her birthday more than I get for mine. 


Au revoir.


P.S - For those of you who don't know, "santosh" is a hindi word which means "content" in English.

False Pretentions.

It's amazing how many secrets all of us and each one of us hold. Here's a video and a project I came across today. They're.. beautiful beyond words.

I absolutely love 3:44 - 4:11 and 4:22-4:26.

The project's called "The Truth Is...". Here's the link: Click here.

Something I Dream Of

I dream of finishing high school soon and starting University.

I dream of finishing University and getting done with my Masters.

I dream of having a nice sort of job while I'm doing my Masters.

I dream of being carefree and just living my life till I'm around 26.

I want to have this whole apartment to myself with a room dedicated to everything I love.

Maybe it would have this small workplace sort of thing in it where I'd just pin up my drawings and would have to choose between alot of colours (like the picture posted below).

I dream of travelling to some place on my own and just discover it on my own.

I dream of having an amazing job with regard to the degree I do with an amazing pay and do the things I want to do.

So many dreams I want to fulfill.

So many dreams I wish to fulfill.

So many dreams I hope I will fulfill.

 

Picture courtesy: From Photobucket via fadetoblack

A Price I'd Rather Spend On My Future

This is probably old news but since I just stumbled upon it, it's new to me. This amazing bag costs around $150,000. Yes, you read that right. $150,000.

What's it made of, you ask? An old leather bag, rubber cement and trash found in the streets. Please note, it's all the urban trash.

Apparently, it doesn't exist. Or maybe it does. I'm not sure of how much of sarcasm these people were using but looking at the class of fashion Lady Gaga has brought in, this news wouldn't be as absurd as it seems.

Sure, it is something I could probably make and never did (never will either!) but, as long as there's a Louis Vuitton label on it, it's going to be bought.

If I'd go around wearing it in the streets, it'd be trash. Catch Naomi Campbell or Victoria Beckham wearing it and you have an instant hit! Honestly, some of the stuff I see on the ramps aren't even something I'd wear anytime nor would I want to see anyone wearing it. Why in the name of Heaven would I want to wear something just for the brand when it doesn't even look good? 

I just feel really sorry for the price majority of these brands raise. Around 700 bucks just for Jimmy Choo Uggs? Why not just spend around half of that price on something much better? Give me a break.

I don't really care if you call me as the-person-who-doesn't-understand-the-importance-of-wearing-awesome-brand-named-clothes-with-prices-so-high-that-I-could-feed-over-fifty-people. I've got my opinion and so do you. Just don't attack.

It's a free world. Live with everyone's thinking.

Source of photo: Click here. (trash bag's on number 4)

Sarah McLachlan - Fallen (Gabriel & Dresden Anti-Gravity Remix)

Hold On And Love, Love, Love.

How can some people hold so much hate in their heart for so long? Why don't they just let the love that exudes, flow right through them all the time?

Forget grudges, people. Live for yourself but don't be so selfish. Leave something for everyone. 

Go around in circles spreading the love; a never ending chain.

Love the world. Make it a better place.

Michael Jackson; respect.

The Pieces Don't Fit Anymore.

Writing something atleast once in two days.. didn't seem like a tough task till I realised that I'm almost done with two days from the last time I wrote. Anyhow, blah.

Almost all my posts are  life-related and honestly, I don't even know what else to write on this blog. Its like an online diary but it's open to everyone that stumbles upon this blog of non-stop rants in every post. I'm barely interested in anything anymore but that's just how I feel right now. Other times, I just do random stuff.. like eat, for example. Then I eat more and I eat more. I need food (in small portions, ofcourse; I'm not a container) almost every half an hour. Life seems so meaningless when I have nothing to munch on.

Certain things I realised today: 

1. Movies based on love are really cheesy.

2. Bollywood movies are annoying when they have songs coming up every 2 minutes.

3. I don't really like movies.

4. I turn the TV on just to watch something either on Cartoon Network or Star World.

5. Art is meaningless unless I can feel something.

6. I can't see life beyond this year.

7. I can't live without food and music.

8. I tend to get bored; ALOT.

9. I speak a bit too much to myself and to my mind.

10. I don't want to have an interest with anything related to creativity anymore.

Here's a picture I took long back:

Title courtesy: James Morrison - The Pieces Don't Fit Anymore

Mea Culpa?

There's this sort of urge in me to write but I don't know what to write.

I want to just ink it all out, bring it all out but I don't know how.

Maybe it's time to take the quote "Words can't even describe how I feel", literally.

Why am I so short of words? Is it because I'm so engrossed into the song I'm listening to -- which is Just A Dream by Nelly -- or is my mind just clouded?

Is it so hard to figure out a reason for something as insignificant as not being able to find the right words to put my thoughts into action?

I should stop taking long breaks from writing. It's not a good thing. 

Note to self: Keep self occupied by writing something atleast once every 2 days.

*sigh*

Don't feel like blogging lately about everything that's been taking place. When I feel like whining, I shall come by. Till then, adios!

P.S - I feel MAD.

Where I am going, you won't be there in the end.

It's not where you go or how you go or when you go or why you go. In the end, we're our own saviours, our own guides, our own lovers. No one's coming with you; we make our own way.

While you're drowning in life, it's not about who's beside you to save you; it's about how desperately you want to come up to the surface, to breath the air.

No one's coming with you everywhere; we make our own way.

All Around.

Takes me everywhere, to every place.

Soothe Mon Coeur

Overdrive Mode.

Here I am, studying the shit out of me for my Biology exam tomorrow. My great sir finished 6 out of the 7 chapters just in the last month and here we all are, struggling to survive in the battlefield of scoring decent grades.

I've been in a metaphorical insomnia mode since the past whole week. I can't wait for Sunday, the day the torture finishes and I can finally sleep a bit longer without having to worry about over sleeping because I have to study.

I've been so un-hyper this whole week. :S So unlike me. I don't even like being un-hyper. It makes me feel non-awesome.. I think I'm narcissistic. Maybe? Probably. Atleast I know someone within me makes me feel beautiful even if no one does. :D Okay, really, very out of topic.

I'm gonna go sleep anyway. I don't like how Biology has so many names to remember. It's interesting but.. hectic.

Au revoir. :)

P.S. - Peanut Butter/ BRR/ mommy of Fishnom lands here on Frriiidddaaayyy! ♥ :)

The Past Hits.

2005 - Kuwait Zoo

Yeah, that was me back in 2005. The past surely hits over the head. I mean, yeah, I was embarrassed as to how I looked when I see the pictures but hey! It was who I was. I've certainly traveled a looonnng road after that and fast forward 5 years and here I am. A person with certainly a better(!) fashion sense and certainly a better person (I suppose). :)

I am totally loving my oiled hair, that cowgirl-ish button up shirt and those very much "matching" accessories. :P Daaammmnnn! Certainly a look of a person with zero clothing sense. I cannot even believe I wore that shirt. :S

Did you see those glasses? So frickin' hot... certainly NOT! I kinda look like I have a "double" cheek. :S Or was I a plump-ish kid? I don't even remember. :P

I love that necklace, even though it totally doesn't go along well (duh.) with my awesome(ha.) outfit. Really, I do.

I was always a cool kid. I'm just very known about my coolness since now, as in two years. I was saving my coolness and awesomeness for now, you see. :P

And hey! Stop laughing at the picture. We all barely knew how to dress up by ourselves as kids. xP

A Short Picture Story About A "Friendship" Request.

Once upon a time, there were two girls. One of them was me and the other was XYZ. This is what happened to them: 

The end. :)
(Psst! Click on picture to enlarge.)

There's Too Much In Me, So I'm Giving It Out.

Guess Who's Doooowwwwnnn!

Facebook is.

Yes, I am back on it. I could find nothing MORE to do without it while I have exams. If I had vacations, I'd go out of the house, even for half an hour. (:

Overly Repetitive Line ♪ In My Head ♪

'Cause I just wanna liiiiivvee! ♪ *insert high pitch voice*

Back From School With Nothing To Do.

Okay, so maybe, just a teensy weensy bit, it was the calm before the storm. Physics paper wasn't all that great. The numericals were horrible. Yay. -_- I don't see myself failing; although I'm keeping my fingers crossed. 

My current addictions: 

Stone Sour - Say You'll Haunt Me (the singer's vocals remind me of Ville Valo's vocals from HIM)

Shinedown - The Crow and the Buterfly

Kerli Koiv - Love Is Dead (ignore the video but care to notice how things change in it)

I must say, Kerli reminds me of Avril Lavigne. No, not because of the songs (they're both veerryyy different genres). There's something about how their faces are. I see a lot of resemblance in the features. Or maybe it's just me.

Blah-di-Da

Physics exam tomorrow. It's actually worrisome that I understand everything and can also recollect everything in Physics and I'm not even scared. Not even a tad bit. Perhaps it's the calm before the storm? Not cool, if that be the case.

I've deactivated my Facebook account for around two weeks till my Semester exams are dead. Woot.

Need. To. See. Home. Page. 

AAAAAHHH.

Who cares. It's not like it's my life. Need. To. See. Home. Page. :/

Dear God, 

            Please let it not be the calm before the storm. I really need to retain the awesome memory I have today till forever. Let my exams be awesome-tastic. I'll be a good girl, I promise.

Note to self: I miss you terribly. This is what we call a tragedy; come back to me..

They're long gone, those times. They've vanished, dissolved. Dissolved into the thin air that seems suffocating to me. Succumbing to what was is not even an option, let alone consider it. No matter how quite the world seems, screams are never heard. They're lost somewhere within me. I miss those times. I miss your talks. I miss the way you used to entwine me in your talks. I miss your charm. I miss.. you.

People in our pasts have a great deal of effect on us and I couldn't agree less to that. The worst that comes up has to be when you find out how fake they were with you during all the years you knew them while all you did was expose yourself completely in front of them. It's more worse when you just can't come to accept the fact that they were lying to you. 

I can't help but forget how close you and me were. Friendship is a sickly bond at times. I still can't help but reminisce about those times. I know I should forget those times because they're not coming back.

But at the end, the heart wants what the heart wants...

Title credits: From First To Last - Note To Self

Changes.

When we were young, we used to play games. Games that took us to places and made us forget everything around us. We played with our friends and families and that time of the day was inevitable and it was something that we looked forward to. Games were hard to play just all by ourselves. I remember those times when one of the best games happened to be Catch 'N' Run. We also had games like Ice and Water, Police and Robber and so on. Who can forget the god of all games, Hide and Seek?

But then, we grew up. We stopped playing as frequently as we used to and most importantly, we started playing games with ourselves. We started playing games of lying to ourselves, reassuring ourselves from the harsh reality. We started playing games of lying to our closest ones to get away from questions. We started playing games of trying to be more superior than everyone and making them feel inferior, even if it be in our heads. We started playing games with our own souls, with our own minds, with our own hearts.

As a kid, being a grown up seemed so amazing. It meant being able to do what I wanted, when I wanted. Within the mind frame of around a 6-something year old, I just wanted to grow up to be able to buy all the Barbie dolls I wanted to. It just meant no more addition-subtraction Math sums, no more English dictations. It meant no more time limits, no more studying so much. How wrong was I. How wrong were we.

Sure, I'm not all 'grown up' but I am between that phase where I no longer understand if I'm a kid or if I'm almost an adult. I sometimes forget where I am and behave like a kid, no matter how mature everyone tells I am. I sometimes just let my brain do all the thinking when I'm supposed to let my heart out. It's harder to heal wounds now because it's impossible to put a band-aid on my heart and let it heal physically while the wounds now happen to be emotional.

I remember when we were young, it was easier to forget the emotional wound by involving ourselves in something else and we cried when the wound was physical. It seemed as if the world came to an end with physical wounds. But now, we forget the physical wounds and laugh it off as our "embarrassing moments" and cry/ silently suffer over our emotional wounds. It's just so intriguing that it'd take infinite eternities to figure out how we, as humans, function.

If this was what was meant by growing up, I definitely did not see this coming. I don't want the dolls that I wanted, in fact I hate them now. I actually love addition and subtraction now and hate everything else in Math and English has turned into such a passion that correcting people's spellings is a daily thing for me. Almost 10 years ago, it was all so different. So many things have changed and I've changed too; and a great deal at that!

P.S. - Damn! That was a long post.

Stereotyping.

^That is one of the things I honestly dislike the most. I don't get why we stereotype for almost everything in this world. I could hit almost every section of stereotyping but I'm just hitting the stereotyping regarding studies and the comments my teachers make on it.

1. I'm a Science student and naturally, everyone thinks I have an IQ of 100000^infinity and hence, I am to know every answer in the world (I'm exaggerating, ofcourse, but you get the point). 

2. I don't understand why my teachers think Commerce students are dumb and that that is the reason why they didn't choose Science.

3. I personally think that Accountancy is fun with all the numbers, even though I have no idea what people do in the Accountancy field (contradicts the first point). 

4. A few of the smartest people in my batch chose Commerce (contradicts the second point).

5. I don't get why few of my teachers make sarcastic comments over the Commerce batch in my class, the Science batch. If they have so much hatred/ whatever over them, why don't they ask the Board to make our school just a school for Science students?

6. The teachers, them being our "idols", make us hear their 'wonderful' comments over the Commerce batch. Loving the irony. Then, they tell us to treat everyone and everything equally.

7. Just because I'm a Science student, I won't become only a doctor or an engineer. I have thousands of options. I only chose Science because my school doesn't have an Art/ Humanities stream and the Commerce stream won't come in handy for what I wish to be. And I thought the teachers were the ones who asked us to "look outside the fence of your mind".

I'm not being negative against my teachers and nor do I have some personal vendetta against them. I respect my teachers and I also know in what aspect. It's just that it's annoying how teachers think they happen to be right every time and we are at wrong. They need to understand that everyone can make mistakes, whether they be a teacher or not. Considering the stereotyping, even if indirectly, they are at wrong. It's funny how a fifteen year old like me realizes that and they don't.

Correct the teachers just once and you're doomed till you finish school because ohmygod, I just killed their whole family by pointing out their mistake.

Wonder.

I wonder how different I would be if there was another me in a parallel universe.

Phases.

The flames of love burn

Like in an oil lamp.

The wick left to ashes

and the wax left unattended.

So many things left unspoken

Through the shattered glass

Of a crystalline rain drop.

A final goodbye sent;

Many hearts bent.

Seal the open heart.

Let me go.

Focus being focused on the

Ever bright eyes.

Illuminated, we rise.

- Muntaha J. P.

I feel..

.. like a beggar while I'm sitting on the chair with a sheet draped around me.

I also feel like a drunkard while I'm drinking a full Pepsi bottle.

I happen to feel dumb too, for the fact that I'm actually writing this down.

Human mind amazes me.

Addition: The gas bubbles in my drink make a really pleasant sound.

Distractions.

.... I'm studying.

Where Was I Again?

Honestly, I love how active my class is when we're together for the class assembly practice. From practicing the song No Boundaries by Kris Allen to me finding out my long lost love, that is Hey, Soul Sister by Train. I started singing it in a loud voice, followed by Minh-Ui, followed by a few of my classmates saying that I have a nice voice (umm... sure) and then followed by it being stuck in everyone's head. :P

ESPECIALLY mine. I sang it on my way from the classroom to the washroom, inside the washroom, on my way back to class, IN class, between classes, on my way down to the school exit, in the Biology lab (much to the annoyance of Andes and weird looks from Deeja), at the back gate, with the Princess giving me her usual looks (it's a daily routine for her to bear me like that) aanndd, me singing it on my way back home. :P Then I ended up dancing in the bathroom to Aajkal Tere Mere Pyaar by some singer I don't know. It's a pretty old song. Today was a complete mix of crazy.

Oh, did I mention that exams are postponed to the 21st? Sooo glad. :) Then, the teachers still won't allow us to wear sarees. They're an honest pain on this issue. Plus, they're now threatening the singers to take part in a competition that is to be held tomorrow in school or they'll cancel the celebrations. Really, so now they come down low to blackmailing. Wow.

My Chemistry and Physics teachers are bestowed with this amazing ability to put me in constant sleep, yet a little attentive mood (I have to force myself to, ofcourse). I mean, they rant on constantly and so fluently that I wonder when they stay silent, even for a minute. Then, they blame us for talking so much. 

I'm gonna go get some sleep. Kay bah. :P

The Only Post For Today.

I wish everyone would just stop being a pain about it to me.
Click here.

I eat more than all of you really see. I need food every 15 minutes. Sometimes you think I end up looking like I'm anorexic when I wouldn't even thinking of being one. There's not one minute when I'm not hungry. Yes, I gained weight over the vacations and half of it just went away during the first week of school... just by itself. I wasn't on a diet, nothing. I have a big butt, I am aware. I look really fat in my school uniform, I am aware. I might end up looking much fatter in a few of my clothes, I am aware.

I happily accept myself.

If you don't want to, shit yourself. Just don't give me your nonsense on my body. I have to live with it, not you. 

I don't even want your nonsense on how I'm "not going to get a boyfriend because of how I look". Honestly, having a boyfriend doesn't even make the list of the last things I want to do. I have people who love me for what I am, even if it's just one person. Don't really care about your nonsense.

Really, just shit yourself. :)

Hello!

Hi person who's reading this.

I thought I should let you know.

I'm pretty awesome. :D

kthanxbai

For her.

Even if things go wrong for me, I'll make everything right for you. ♥

DJ Tiësto - Ur feat. Aqualung

One of the most gorgeous songs I've heard. :)

Wish I was a better man.

Wish I had a better plan for dealing with this.
What am I?
What am I to do now?

Maybe I should run away.

Maybe I could run away and never be found.
What am I?
What am I to do?

The way that I'm feeling,
The dreams that I'm dreaming.
Can this really be happening?
Can it really be true?

You are
My love and my life.
My heart and my soul.
Just trying to keep the world
From smashin', crashin' in.

I had this dream the other night.
I had this crazy dream the other night.
How have I?
How have I arrived here?

My heart is elated
But my head is exhausted.
Is this powerful magic?
Can it really be true?

You are.
My blood is in your blood.
My breath is in your mouth.
Just trying to keep the world
From smashin', crashin' in

What about us?
What about all the plans that we made?
What about all those careful plans?
Just careful plans we made.
But nothing's clear.

Full of fear.
Full of hope.
Full of you.

My love and my life.
My heart and my soul.
Just trying to keep the world
From smashin', crashin' in .

My blood is in your blood.
Just trying to keep the world
From smashin', crashin' in.

Favourite Place Ever

Nothing will ever replace how amazing I feel from where I took this picture.

The most calming place happens to be on the boulders beside Marina Waves. :)

♥

Define love.

  It is something that has an unnatural power, second only to God. It has both, healing and destructive properties. Like every other power in the world, it is to be handled with the utmost care. A heart, once broken and fixed will certainly show cracks just like a mirror does. Love happens to be the only "magic marker" that can make those cracks disappear. Similarly, it also has the power to deepen those cracks more and shatter the heart into more pieces than it already was in. Love can be found in any form, be it from family, friends, teachers, strangers, kids, enemies, etc. It is to be kept in mind that love has no final state and hence, the power to evolve it lies in the hands of the user(s). Its initial state could be as minuscule as an ant.

...

I honestly don't know why I keep posting on this blog. I don't even think anyone reads it. (:

Physics makes me feel like shit. Chemistry is still okay and Bio.. dunno. 

Thoughts run all over my head like gnomes running around a field.

How do I feel? 

Like this --> [[ </3 ]]

Time.

During Ramadan+vacations, this was the time I came back home from seeing the sunrise.

Now, I get ready for school.

Face Down With Hands Held High.

Either I'm lost in the head or I'm just messed up. (:

'Sup again?

Haven't written in a few days so here goes.

School started on the 19th, as in yesterday, so the 18th was the last day of vacations and I totally loved it. A day out with JB, GB and RB. I got to be GB's second mother! Haha! :P And her... pet, yeah. :P

School wasn't all that bad honestly. It's just the studies part. I'm honestly making every effort to get back to the nerd I was 'cause I know I have to. It's working out with just an hour on the PC day by day. It's working out, slowly, but working out anyway. :)

Exams might be pre-poned further from the end of October. Not cool. </3

Teacher's Day celebrations with the students being teachers in school uniform. Not cool. </3 Reason? Because the ex-seniors of our school ended up wearing "indecent" sarees. :)

Honestly, the teachers should take a look at the sarees of a few of their colleagues. They're worse. :)

No hard feelings to any teacher, in case they end up stalking my blog.

I'm being honest and it's my personal opinion. :)

Tokio Hotel ft. Kerli Kõiv - Strange

A freak of nature

Stuck in reality.

I don’t fit the picture,
I'm not what you want me to be,
Sorry.

Under the radar,
Out of the system,
Caught in the spotlight,
That's my existence.
You want me to change,

But all I feel is
Strange, strange;
In your perfect world.
So strange, strange,
I feel so absurd in this life.
Don't come closer
In my arms,
Forever you'll be strange, strange.

You want to fix me, push me
Into your fantasy.
You try to give me, sell me
A new personality.

You try to lift me,
I don't get better.
What’s making you happy
Is making me sadder.
In your golden cage,

All I feel is strange, strange,
In your perfect world.
So strange strange;
I feel so absurd in this life.
Don't come closer
In my arms
Forever you'll be strange, strange;
Like me.

(Strange) When you touch me;
(Strange) When you kill me;
(Strange) All I feel is strange.
In my dreams together,
We'll be

Strange, strange,
In your perfect world strange.
Strange! (I am so strange),
Strange! (I am so strange)
Strange, strange
In your perfect world,
So strange, strange.
I feel so absurd in this life.
Don't come closer
You'll die slowly.
In my arms,
Forever you'll be strange, strange;
Like me.

Question Marks All Over.

It's funny, the things that bother me. It's funny, the way they look at me. It's funny, the music that I love, they hate. It's funny, the way I'm late and they hate it. It's funny, the way I'm early and they still hate it. It's funny, the way they don't trust me. It's funny, what they expect me to do. It's funny, the words I exude hurt them. It's all the more funny, the way questions pour upon me.

Song of the day: All Time Low - Therapy

Craveee!

So it's summer (or rather it WAS) and like every other summer, I had all my plans sorted out. Again, like every other summer, none of the plans worked out. Getting my body completely toned was certainly one of the things 'cause this year, I get to be a teacher for Teacher's Day celebrations in my school (hopefully)! I mean, I'm obviously going to wear a saree so that's why I needed to tone out.

So here's what happened. For the first month of vacations, I tried studying and failed. Terribly. During the second month, I just ate and ate and ate and slept and slept and slept. Result? I'm two sizes bigger. Woohoo! Sooo not good. The third month was Ramadan and honestly, I didn't even get down half a size. I expected to, somehow, though. Currently, I'm still continuing my eating habits. It seems that I've stopped caring (I guess). Food is life. <3

So what am I craving now? Look at the picture. :) No, I'm not even kidding. (Picture from Google.)

Bidding Adieu

Certainly everyone has had that time when you've been holding back for a bit too long and then one day all of your emotions just surface up and kill everyone with those venomous words. Yes, I've had those days too and I've always said sorry later on with deep regret upon my outburst. I say sorry with all my heart but it's still uncertain if my sorry could even heal the impact my words made on the other person. 

This post isn't to tell what consequences happen and how mad I feel later on or anything related to feeling bad, for that matter. This is to say that I'm done letting my emotions control me. This time, I just know I mean it as I've been doing this for a couple of days. To all those to whom I'd said I'll be right back on MSN and not come back (in the past few days), this was certainly the reason and I know I've finally controlled my emotions. I'm not your typical soft hearted girl anymore that would even worry on how long I take on coming back online from my "brb" so that I don't keep the other person waiting. 

Emotions; this is goodbye.

I'm Back.

Err..it was supposed to be "a few hours" and I'm back after ALOT of hours. :P I was just too lazy to write and plus I was sleepy. I woke up in the morning thinking that it's 10 a.m. or something and realised after I came out of the bathroom that it's 7 a.m. Oh yeah, I'm awesome. -.- I ended up doing my assignments anyway (school this Sunday...shit). After my assignments, I ended up watching Star World. Honestly, I could just watch that channel all day long. <3

So anyway, Eid this year was pretty good. On the night of the third day, I hit the beach with family. It was pretty good, yeah. Just reminiscing memories, eating pizzas (oh yeah!) and watching the waves hit the shore. It was a pretty good day. The next day showed me another day out with family. Pretty good day too. :)

The Shuwaikh cafeteria on Canada Dry street makes the BEST fatayers, IMO. :)

 So a few days ago (I guess the day before yesterday), I got back to drawing and I realised that I've screwed up. :P It was a complete disaster; really. So in order to not just let a paper go to waste, I decided to crumple it and let it go on a photoshoot. The result will be towards the end. :)

I honestly take alot of time 'getting back' at things and it sucks. Sorry to keep you waiting. I suppose this seems like all for now. If there's anything more, it'll be up the first thing in the morning. :)

Song of the day: Vera Fernandes - All About You

Drawing Tragedy

Away Too Long

Okay, so I've been busy lately (not really) and I haven't written in a few days.

I'll get back to you in a few hours. :D

Stay tuuunnneeedd!

Picture Theory.

24 Faubourg - Hermès

Eid Day Two.

Yesterday was the second day of Eid and compared to my first day, it wasn't all that bad. I woke up at around one in the afternoon, just to feel dizzy and cold. It's summer and I was wearing a winter jacket and thick socks and guess what? I still felt cold. Feeling feverish but not having fever is certainly an annoying feeling. I felt alot better compared to what I was by five in the evening. Then there were hang out plans! Trust me, I haven't had an outing in loooonng. Plans postponed to seven from five thirty but it wasn't that big of a deal 'cause I went out anyway.

Hanging out at Marina Mall on a holiday is crap, really. It's like jam packed. We hung out at the beach though. Honestly, it was a pretty good day. Retarded, cheesy, stupid, awkward, us; felt good. Slush is yummy. <3

Thank you Andes and Duck for a good day. :)

Eid!

Eid Al-Fitr today. :)

Lovely day today, really. I ate like two or three donuts and I'm still hungry.

Oh, it's a celebration day and guess what? I'm falling sick.

Coolios. -_-

Favourite Writing Tool

Staedler stick 430m

Nothing beats this pen. ♥

Uhh...'sup?

I feel the black walls. I feel like I'm surrounded by something mind boggling. I cannot figure out what. It's like someone's strangling my neck, pulling me apart, pinning me to the ground, screaming at me and forcefully making me wear a sorrowful aura. It's quite pitiful to my inner child. (I have an inner child?) I really wonder why I reflect so much over things that I'm not even supposed to while almost everyone I know can just shrug it off their mind in like a minute, no matter what it is. It's hateful being so weird. I lose mood for almost everything (literally!) in a second or I could be as crazy as a drunk duck in a second (ignore the drunk duck).

I wish I could die for a day just to see how everyone would respond to my death. It would be really eye-opening. It would certainly make me less naive than I already am. Ofcourse I do want to come back alive so I can kick some major butt! Aah! The wild dreams that we have when we're young. :)

Being young reminds me of all the relationships we have when we're young. I see kids as young as ten (DUH they're kids!) being in a "serious relationship". Come to the teenage phase and everyone thinks it's completely necessary to be in one. Really, what the hell. Get a life, should I say again? Relationships during teenage years are over rated. Period.

P.S - Ignore the fact that all the paragraphs I've written have no real connection to the topic in my head which is: "What the hell am I doing?"

Focus

Whirlwind Love

Attraction

New Love!

Fallen in love with another band. HIM ♥

I don't think I'll ever get enough of rock music and it's likes. ♥

Song of the day: HIM - Foreboding Sense Of Impending Happiness

Edit - Genre of the band is 'love metal'. Doesn't come under the rock genre. My bad. 

Picture from Google.

Weight Issues

Everyone has issues with how thin or how fat I look.

Could you shut the fuck up for once?

I'm aware of how I look. I don't need your fucking opinion on how much more or how much less I should eat.

Making Perfect Shapes, I Suppose.

There's an amazing picture in people's head that I'm totally perfect. For example, the perfect student, the perfect adviser, the perfect poet, the perfect person, the perfect girl, etc. Complete nonsense. I'm not perfect; I just blend in to the situation. I'm just making perfect shapes, not a perfect person. 

Get real.

An Insight To Ranga's Marriage! (Parody)

Personally, I think parodies are one of the best things that have come into mankind. They provide the best laughter that even majority of the comedians fail at (I was referring to the ones you see on Indian TV channels). Here's a parody of the summary of a lesson I have in my English textbook, named 'Ranga's Marriage'. Although you'd find it funnier if you read the real story first, I suggest you read this anyway. :D I, for one, totally love it. :P

Ranga's Marriage Summary (A Parody)

By Bhavani Bala

The tale is about an extremely desperate young man named Ranga who, on account of not being able to get a date, decides to pop the question to the first girl he meets. He seeks the advice of his friend, a seventy five year old delusional match-maker who thinks that Ranga's head would explode unless he marries a girl half his age. So he hatches a plan, a match-making plot of epic proportions which sets in motion a love story greater than the likes of Twilight and Romeo and Juliet and it involves a young girl, Ratna.

Ratna is not your average eleven year old. While other kids her age just focus on passing sixth grade (not a very easy year, as you may recall) this pre-teen has her life all sorted out. She wants to marry and pop out twelve children before her friends finish their education. Very spirited, n'est ce pas?? 

Back to the plan: The aisha in extremely old male form takes Ranga to her house for tea. While Ranga is out answering nature's call, he calls in Ratna, who sees fit to wear a saree that day (a feat not accomplished by people five years older than her yet) and asks her to sing.

Ranga hears her demonic screeches, and its love at first....um...sound. Ratna was more than willing, although she plays hard to get for a month, breaking Ranga's heart a couple of times, before they get married.

The match maker of course, being the modest sort of chap he is, takes full credit of this union. Although they name their children against his wishes, he doesn't start a plot to break them up as he is really too old and decides to retire.

Now only one question remains: How Many Children? Wait for the sequel and see folks!

Copyright© intended by Bhavani Bala

Anorexia Nervosa

Who doesn't want to have a model figure? I bet almost everyone does even if they don't admit it. But what DOES happen when you get so addicted to having one? Look at the picture and decide for yourself.

I honestly don't understand how these girls are hired by the modeling agencies instead of sending them to a help center. The models would certainly be more grateful in the future. Or instead of that, they could just make skeletons pose. These girls certainly need help and I'm certain no one would defy that. It's wrong to shun them; 'cause everyone deserves help. Even them.

P.S - I certainly think she is really pretty. It's a shame how she's practically a skeleton. She should eat a burger every hour. :)
Picture from Google.

R.I.P

So my PC was formatted. YAY! 

Windows 7 = Faster PC. YAY!

Faster PC = Less tantrum throwing. YAY! 

Back-up CDs. Check.

All folders. Check.

Everything backed-up. Che-WAIT!

Too late. :)

So the back-up CDs had everything BUT my folder. How great, eh? :D

Here I am, mourning for my folder the way I would for a lost love. I mean, that folder was basically my LIFE. All sorts of pictures, ranging from as old as 2008 and to the just-yesterday-clicked pictures. Then I had ALL my writings in the folder. Majority of them were just drafted on the PC. I don't even have copies of them. Honestly, this is the shittiest thing I've experienced. Who would've known that just losing a folder would mean so much?

Meanwhile, I'm trying to recover it all through some software thing that I have no clue about. I never even knew I'd be here trying to recover it. When I first found out that my folder's gone, I just sulked. Then comes my brother to the rescue! I felt so dumb. :S I don't even know a thing about computers. :P

Yeah, so about the recovery of my folder, it's taking ages. I have to literally go through everything to just find my stuff. It won't handpick for me. I'm doing the scan for like the gazillion-th time, all thanks to the 'not responding' messages flashed in front of my eyes (they weren't 'flashed' but..you get the point). So I'm taking it all bit by bit and breaking it down into fragments and then scanning. Like right now, the scan's being done just for JPEG files and it's been kept for over an hour and it's still scanning. :) There are scans going on for  276,424,496 lost files at the moment and I'm not even exaggerating. That's the real number. God knows if the pictures will even be recoverable. Mostly, I just want all of my writings in one piece. This is tragic. Those writings were all fragments of me in my happy, vulnerable, angry, sad, depressed or whatever state. All those poems and short stories (which were really not amazing but were still close), written since 2007 till date. 

Damn this sucks. -.-'


Song of the day: Adam Lambert - Broken Open [does not refer to any emotional state of mine. It's just stuck in my head today (even though today just started :P)] 

Edit: They're not the number of files. They're some sort of blocks. Is there any difference? :/

À La Mort

Personally, I feel like I've been giving in too much to everything. Maybe it's time I give up finally. Yes, I'm walking away from everything, no matter what it is. I pressurize myself way too much, IMHO. No one really gives a second shit, let alone a first shit about whatever I do for them, be it something small or something big. Why should I give a damn when no one does? No matter how much I've done, it's disregarded and what I haven't done, is regarded. Where's the justice in that? 

I have said this over fifty times in my whole life (just an imaginary figure) that I'm not going to care about anything anymore and this time, I wish I stand by what I say. It hurts alot to be treated this way, you know. It's some sort of a big blow to me every time, even though I've been in such a situation alot of times before. There's just something different this time: I'm saying this not through a conscious mind but through a completely subconscious mind that has brought me to this conclusion. There's just too much beauty in subconscious decisions and it's really there this time.

To bring matters in one sentence, this is the death of me.

Let's Play With Math!

Yeah, so in order to tell what I've been doing lately, I'm going to present it like a math equation (or maybe I was just bored). Here goes:

1. Kodomo No Omocha + certain songs + a few stuff in my head = Emotional me

2. Fried food + lots of dessert + lots of sleep + no working out = Weight gain

3. More manga + no drawing + no writing = Shit hiatus + eye strain + more eye power increase

4. One song on repeat + shit mood = GodKnowsWhat

Yeah, so basically, that's all. Hope you enjoyed! *insert sarcasm* Really, I wish I could just drop out of school and continue this routine. Vacations are fun (just through my perspective, ofcourse. Anyone else would get bored in an hour). Plus, I've even got to finish my assignments (YAY!). Studies never happen during vacations. I really don't understand how the nerds do it (I'm not stereotyping, really. It's just the truth.) and barely get bored as if it's their life. Remember how being a nerd was so un-cool? I really wish I was one at this point 'cause if I don't get my grades high, I don't get into a proper college. If I don't get into a proper college, I can't really do all that I've been imagining I will (although everything that I imagine to happen never happens, even if it's for the next day; pfft!). Why does education have to be the root of success? 

I think I could do enough of all the whining (told you I'm the best at it). I should probably leave now.

Later.

Sick Of It

I'm so sick of all the BS in my head that I have lost every idea where to throw it out. I have hallucinations of me collapsing on the floor, being announced dead, the ambulance rushing in, me choking on something, etc. The ground below is swallowing me and the sun has sunk. Everything seems so black that I can't even see the white. But...isn't white lonelier than black? Or is it 'pure'?

I wish I could run away for a day and then come back home as if nothing ever happened. Solitary moments really feel amazing (at times). I think I'm done whining (the thing I'm best at) for now. Thiiiss wooorrrllldd iissss buuurrrnnniiinnggg. 

Later.

Peace

It's almost 3 in the morning and I am completely addicted to the song Everything by Lifehouse. I honestly cannot get enough of it. The more I listen to it, the more I want it. It's like it's some sort of drug, which is actually a good thing in this case. 

I really need to get studying if I want my grades to walk up the ladder, not fall down. I have just been wishing my mind wouldn't wander off while I try to. It's a shame how I could study so easily before and now I can barely do it. I never thought growing up would have hard times. Funny how when we were small, we thought growing up made life easier. Little minds; we were so wrong. No matter what stage of life we're in, we think it's the toughest. The real deal lies in how we end up handling it, no matter what the case. I wish I could apply whatever I say, to myself. I doubt that'll happen. I'm certainly not finding peace soon.

Good night(?). 

Uncertainty

Uncertain about trust.
Uncertain about hate.
Uncertain about the life I live.
Uncertain about the people that catch me when I fall.
Uncertain about being lost.
Uncertain about the things I know.
Uncertain about the people I love.
Uncertain about being alright.
Uncertain about everything.


I guess uncertainty lives right through me.
Let's have each other for the time being.
Till next time (which could probably be in a few hours).

Defenseless

Honestly, I'm defenseless. I have no way of protecting myself from certain "stuff" and I don't think I ever will. I could just fall in it and keep falling and never come back out; like falling into an endless underground tunnel. Maybe I should just call out someone's name and swap lives with them and be unhurt. Or maybe, I could sulk while I keep falling. Yeah, the latter sounds better. *insert sarcasm*

In Lifehouse's words, "I'll do whatever it takes to turn this 'round."

Song of the day: Lifehouse - Broken

Day 1

So here I am, writing on a new blog once again. Hopefully, I won't forget the password to this blog the way I did for my previous one. 

Honestly, I'm just tired at the moment and I'm listening to this guy called Alex Goot on Youtube who's got me hooked to his covers of several songs since two days straight. I'll post a link at the bottom of the post. =)

There's almost 3 weeks left for school to start and I really cannot wait. It's high time I got my eyes on some study material. Vacations+study = Useless. I mean, no matter how much I learn, I end up forgetting it. 

Anyway, I'm off to read some manga and listen to some music while I eat some delicious dessert that mom made. =D

Oh, here's the link to the guy's Youtube channel: http://www.youtube.com/user/gootmusic
Till next time.