All Around.

Takes me everywhere, to every place.

Soothe Mon Coeur

Overdrive Mode.

Here I am, studying the shit out of me for my Biology exam tomorrow. My great sir finished 6 out of the 7 chapters just in the last month and here we all are, struggling to survive in the battlefield of scoring decent grades.

I've been in a metaphorical insomnia mode since the past whole week. I can't wait for Sunday, the day the torture finishes and I can finally sleep a bit longer without having to worry about over sleeping because I have to study.

I've been so un-hyper this whole week. :S So unlike me. I don't even like being un-hyper. It makes me feel non-awesome.. I think I'm narcissistic. Maybe? Probably. Atleast I know someone within me makes me feel beautiful even if no one does. :D Okay, really, very out of topic.

I'm gonna go sleep anyway. I don't like how Biology has so many names to remember. It's interesting but.. hectic.

Au revoir. :)

P.S. - Peanut Butter/ BRR/ mommy of Fishnom lands here on Frriiidddaaayyy! ♥ :)

The Past Hits.

2005 - Kuwait Zoo

Yeah, that was me back in 2005. The past surely hits over the head. I mean, yeah, I was embarrassed as to how I looked when I see the pictures but hey! It was who I was. I've certainly traveled a looonnng road after that and fast forward 5 years and here I am. A person with certainly a better(!) fashion sense and certainly a better person (I suppose). :)

I am totally loving my oiled hair, that cowgirl-ish button up shirt and those very much "matching" accessories. :P Daaammmnnn! Certainly a look of a person with zero clothing sense. I cannot even believe I wore that shirt. :S

Did you see those glasses? So frickin' hot... certainly NOT! I kinda look like I have a "double" cheek. :S Or was I a plump-ish kid? I don't even remember. :P

I love that necklace, even though it totally doesn't go along well (duh.) with my awesome(ha.) outfit. Really, I do.

I was always a cool kid. I'm just very known about my coolness since now, as in two years. I was saving my coolness and awesomeness for now, you see. :P

And hey! Stop laughing at the picture. We all barely knew how to dress up by ourselves as kids. xP

A Short Picture Story About A "Friendship" Request.

Once upon a time, there were two girls. One of them was me and the other was XYZ. This is what happened to them: 

The end. :)
(Psst! Click on picture to enlarge.)

There's Too Much In Me, So I'm Giving It Out.

Guess Who's Doooowwwwnnn!

Facebook is.

Yes, I am back on it. I could find nothing MORE to do without it while I have exams. If I had vacations, I'd go out of the house, even for half an hour. (:

Overly Repetitive Line ♪ In My Head ♪

'Cause I just wanna liiiiivvee! ♪ *insert high pitch voice*

Back From School With Nothing To Do.

Okay, so maybe, just a teensy weensy bit, it was the calm before the storm. Physics paper wasn't all that great. The numericals were horrible. Yay. -_- I don't see myself failing; although I'm keeping my fingers crossed. 

My current addictions: 

Stone Sour - Say You'll Haunt Me (the singer's vocals remind me of Ville Valo's vocals from HIM)

Shinedown - The Crow and the Buterfly

Kerli Koiv - Love Is Dead (ignore the video but care to notice how things change in it)

I must say, Kerli reminds me of Avril Lavigne. No, not because of the songs (they're both veerryyy different genres). There's something about how their faces are. I see a lot of resemblance in the features. Or maybe it's just me.

Blah-di-Da

Physics exam tomorrow. It's actually worrisome that I understand everything and can also recollect everything in Physics and I'm not even scared. Not even a tad bit. Perhaps it's the calm before the storm? Not cool, if that be the case.

I've deactivated my Facebook account for around two weeks till my Semester exams are dead. Woot.

Need. To. See. Home. Page. 

AAAAAHHH.

Who cares. It's not like it's my life. Need. To. See. Home. Page. :/

Dear God, 

            Please let it not be the calm before the storm. I really need to retain the awesome memory I have today till forever. Let my exams be awesome-tastic. I'll be a good girl, I promise.

Note to self: I miss you terribly. This is what we call a tragedy; come back to me..

They're long gone, those times. They've vanished, dissolved. Dissolved into the thin air that seems suffocating to me. Succumbing to what was is not even an option, let alone consider it. No matter how quite the world seems, screams are never heard. They're lost somewhere within me. I miss those times. I miss your talks. I miss the way you used to entwine me in your talks. I miss your charm. I miss.. you.

People in our pasts have a great deal of effect on us and I couldn't agree less to that. The worst that comes up has to be when you find out how fake they were with you during all the years you knew them while all you did was expose yourself completely in front of them. It's more worse when you just can't come to accept the fact that they were lying to you. 

I can't help but forget how close you and me were. Friendship is a sickly bond at times. I still can't help but reminisce about those times. I know I should forget those times because they're not coming back.

But at the end, the heart wants what the heart wants...

Title credits: From First To Last - Note To Self

Changes.

When we were young, we used to play games. Games that took us to places and made us forget everything around us. We played with our friends and families and that time of the day was inevitable and it was something that we looked forward to. Games were hard to play just all by ourselves. I remember those times when one of the best games happened to be Catch 'N' Run. We also had games like Ice and Water, Police and Robber and so on. Who can forget the god of all games, Hide and Seek?

But then, we grew up. We stopped playing as frequently as we used to and most importantly, we started playing games with ourselves. We started playing games of lying to ourselves, reassuring ourselves from the harsh reality. We started playing games of lying to our closest ones to get away from questions. We started playing games of trying to be more superior than everyone and making them feel inferior, even if it be in our heads. We started playing games with our own souls, with our own minds, with our own hearts.

As a kid, being a grown up seemed so amazing. It meant being able to do what I wanted, when I wanted. Within the mind frame of around a 6-something year old, I just wanted to grow up to be able to buy all the Barbie dolls I wanted to. It just meant no more addition-subtraction Math sums, no more English dictations. It meant no more time limits, no more studying so much. How wrong was I. How wrong were we.

Sure, I'm not all 'grown up' but I am between that phase where I no longer understand if I'm a kid or if I'm almost an adult. I sometimes forget where I am and behave like a kid, no matter how mature everyone tells I am. I sometimes just let my brain do all the thinking when I'm supposed to let my heart out. It's harder to heal wounds now because it's impossible to put a band-aid on my heart and let it heal physically while the wounds now happen to be emotional.

I remember when we were young, it was easier to forget the emotional wound by involving ourselves in something else and we cried when the wound was physical. It seemed as if the world came to an end with physical wounds. But now, we forget the physical wounds and laugh it off as our "embarrassing moments" and cry/ silently suffer over our emotional wounds. It's just so intriguing that it'd take infinite eternities to figure out how we, as humans, function.

If this was what was meant by growing up, I definitely did not see this coming. I don't want the dolls that I wanted, in fact I hate them now. I actually love addition and subtraction now and hate everything else in Math and English has turned into such a passion that correcting people's spellings is a daily thing for me. Almost 10 years ago, it was all so different. So many things have changed and I've changed too; and a great deal at that!

P.S. - Damn! That was a long post.

Stereotyping.

^That is one of the things I honestly dislike the most. I don't get why we stereotype for almost everything in this world. I could hit almost every section of stereotyping but I'm just hitting the stereotyping regarding studies and the comments my teachers make on it.

1. I'm a Science student and naturally, everyone thinks I have an IQ of 100000^infinity and hence, I am to know every answer in the world (I'm exaggerating, ofcourse, but you get the point). 

2. I don't understand why my teachers think Commerce students are dumb and that that is the reason why they didn't choose Science.

3. I personally think that Accountancy is fun with all the numbers, even though I have no idea what people do in the Accountancy field (contradicts the first point). 

4. A few of the smartest people in my batch chose Commerce (contradicts the second point).

5. I don't get why few of my teachers make sarcastic comments over the Commerce batch in my class, the Science batch. If they have so much hatred/ whatever over them, why don't they ask the Board to make our school just a school for Science students?

6. The teachers, them being our "idols", make us hear their 'wonderful' comments over the Commerce batch. Loving the irony. Then, they tell us to treat everyone and everything equally.

7. Just because I'm a Science student, I won't become only a doctor or an engineer. I have thousands of options. I only chose Science because my school doesn't have an Art/ Humanities stream and the Commerce stream won't come in handy for what I wish to be. And I thought the teachers were the ones who asked us to "look outside the fence of your mind".

I'm not being negative against my teachers and nor do I have some personal vendetta against them. I respect my teachers and I also know in what aspect. It's just that it's annoying how teachers think they happen to be right every time and we are at wrong. They need to understand that everyone can make mistakes, whether they be a teacher or not. Considering the stereotyping, even if indirectly, they are at wrong. It's funny how a fifteen year old like me realizes that and they don't.

Correct the teachers just once and you're doomed till you finish school because ohmygod, I just killed their whole family by pointing out their mistake.

Wonder.

I wonder how different I would be if there was another me in a parallel universe.

Phases.

The flames of love burn

Like in an oil lamp.

The wick left to ashes

and the wax left unattended.

So many things left unspoken

Through the shattered glass

Of a crystalline rain drop.

A final goodbye sent;

Many hearts bent.

Seal the open heart.

Let me go.

Focus being focused on the

Ever bright eyes.

Illuminated, we rise.

- Muntaha J. P.

I feel..

.. like a beggar while I'm sitting on the chair with a sheet draped around me.

I also feel like a drunkard while I'm drinking a full Pepsi bottle.

I happen to feel dumb too, for the fact that I'm actually writing this down.

Human mind amazes me.

Addition: The gas bubbles in my drink make a really pleasant sound.

Distractions.

.... I'm studying.

Where Was I Again?

Honestly, I love how active my class is when we're together for the class assembly practice. From practicing the song No Boundaries by Kris Allen to me finding out my long lost love, that is Hey, Soul Sister by Train. I started singing it in a loud voice, followed by Minh-Ui, followed by a few of my classmates saying that I have a nice voice (umm... sure) and then followed by it being stuck in everyone's head. :P

ESPECIALLY mine. I sang it on my way from the classroom to the washroom, inside the washroom, on my way back to class, IN class, between classes, on my way down to the school exit, in the Biology lab (much to the annoyance of Andes and weird looks from Deeja), at the back gate, with the Princess giving me her usual looks (it's a daily routine for her to bear me like that) aanndd, me singing it on my way back home. :P Then I ended up dancing in the bathroom to Aajkal Tere Mere Pyaar by some singer I don't know. It's a pretty old song. Today was a complete mix of crazy.

Oh, did I mention that exams are postponed to the 21st? Sooo glad. :) Then, the teachers still won't allow us to wear sarees. They're an honest pain on this issue. Plus, they're now threatening the singers to take part in a competition that is to be held tomorrow in school or they'll cancel the celebrations. Really, so now they come down low to blackmailing. Wow.

My Chemistry and Physics teachers are bestowed with this amazing ability to put me in constant sleep, yet a little attentive mood (I have to force myself to, ofcourse). I mean, they rant on constantly and so fluently that I wonder when they stay silent, even for a minute. Then, they blame us for talking so much. 

I'm gonna go get some sleep. Kay bah. :P

The Only Post For Today.

I wish everyone would just stop being a pain about it to me.
Click here.

I eat more than all of you really see. I need food every 15 minutes. Sometimes you think I end up looking like I'm anorexic when I wouldn't even thinking of being one. There's not one minute when I'm not hungry. Yes, I gained weight over the vacations and half of it just went away during the first week of school... just by itself. I wasn't on a diet, nothing. I have a big butt, I am aware. I look really fat in my school uniform, I am aware. I might end up looking much fatter in a few of my clothes, I am aware.

I happily accept myself.

If you don't want to, shit yourself. Just don't give me your nonsense on my body. I have to live with it, not you. 

I don't even want your nonsense on how I'm "not going to get a boyfriend because of how I look". Honestly, having a boyfriend doesn't even make the list of the last things I want to do. I have people who love me for what I am, even if it's just one person. Don't really care about your nonsense.

Really, just shit yourself. :)