À La Mort

Personally, I feel like I've been giving in too much to everything. Maybe it's time I give up finally. Yes, I'm walking away from everything, no matter what it is. I pressurize myself way too much, IMHO. No one really gives a second shit, let alone a first shit about whatever I do for them, be it something small or something big. Why should I give a damn when no one does? No matter how much I've done, it's disregarded and what I haven't done, is regarded. Where's the justice in that? 

I have said this over fifty times in my whole life (just an imaginary figure) that I'm not going to care about anything anymore and this time, I wish I stand by what I say. It hurts alot to be treated this way, you know. It's some sort of a big blow to me every time, even though I've been in such a situation alot of times before. There's just something different this time: I'm saying this not through a conscious mind but through a completely subconscious mind that has brought me to this conclusion. There's just too much beauty in subconscious decisions and it's really there this time.

To bring matters in one sentence, this is the death of me.

Let's Play With Math!

Yeah, so in order to tell what I've been doing lately, I'm going to present it like a math equation (or maybe I was just bored). Here goes:

1. Kodomo No Omocha + certain songs + a few stuff in my head = Emotional me

2. Fried food + lots of dessert + lots of sleep + no working out = Weight gain

3. More manga + no drawing + no writing = Shit hiatus + eye strain + more eye power increase

4. One song on repeat + shit mood = GodKnowsWhat

Yeah, so basically, that's all. Hope you enjoyed! *insert sarcasm* Really, I wish I could just drop out of school and continue this routine. Vacations are fun (just through my perspective, ofcourse. Anyone else would get bored in an hour). Plus, I've even got to finish my assignments (YAY!). Studies never happen during vacations. I really don't understand how the nerds do it (I'm not stereotyping, really. It's just the truth.) and barely get bored as if it's their life. Remember how being a nerd was so un-cool? I really wish I was one at this point 'cause if I don't get my grades high, I don't get into a proper college. If I don't get into a proper college, I can't really do all that I've been imagining I will (although everything that I imagine to happen never happens, even if it's for the next day; pfft!). Why does education have to be the root of success? 

I think I could do enough of all the whining (told you I'm the best at it). I should probably leave now.

Later.

Sick Of It

I'm so sick of all the BS in my head that I have lost every idea where to throw it out. I have hallucinations of me collapsing on the floor, being announced dead, the ambulance rushing in, me choking on something, etc. The ground below is swallowing me and the sun has sunk. Everything seems so black that I can't even see the white. But...isn't white lonelier than black? Or is it 'pure'?

I wish I could run away for a day and then come back home as if nothing ever happened. Solitary moments really feel amazing (at times). I think I'm done whining (the thing I'm best at) for now. Thiiiss wooorrrllldd iissss buuurrrnnniiinnggg. 

Later.

Peace

It's almost 3 in the morning and I am completely addicted to the song Everything by Lifehouse. I honestly cannot get enough of it. The more I listen to it, the more I want it. It's like it's some sort of drug, which is actually a good thing in this case. 

I really need to get studying if I want my grades to walk up the ladder, not fall down. I have just been wishing my mind wouldn't wander off while I try to. It's a shame how I could study so easily before and now I can barely do it. I never thought growing up would have hard times. Funny how when we were small, we thought growing up made life easier. Little minds; we were so wrong. No matter what stage of life we're in, we think it's the toughest. The real deal lies in how we end up handling it, no matter what the case. I wish I could apply whatever I say, to myself. I doubt that'll happen. I'm certainly not finding peace soon.

Good night(?). 

Uncertainty

Uncertain about trust.
Uncertain about hate.
Uncertain about the life I live.
Uncertain about the people that catch me when I fall.
Uncertain about being lost.
Uncertain about the things I know.
Uncertain about the people I love.
Uncertain about being alright.
Uncertain about everything.


I guess uncertainty lives right through me.
Let's have each other for the time being.
Till next time (which could probably be in a few hours).

Defenseless

Honestly, I'm defenseless. I have no way of protecting myself from certain "stuff" and I don't think I ever will. I could just fall in it and keep falling and never come back out; like falling into an endless underground tunnel. Maybe I should just call out someone's name and swap lives with them and be unhurt. Or maybe, I could sulk while I keep falling. Yeah, the latter sounds better. *insert sarcasm*

In Lifehouse's words, "I'll do whatever it takes to turn this 'round."

Song of the day: Lifehouse - Broken

Day 1

So here I am, writing on a new blog once again. Hopefully, I won't forget the password to this blog the way I did for my previous one. 

Honestly, I'm just tired at the moment and I'm listening to this guy called Alex Goot on Youtube who's got me hooked to his covers of several songs since two days straight. I'll post a link at the bottom of the post. =)

There's almost 3 weeks left for school to start and I really cannot wait. It's high time I got my eyes on some study material. Vacations+study = Useless. I mean, no matter how much I learn, I end up forgetting it. 

Anyway, I'm off to read some manga and listen to some music while I eat some delicious dessert that mom made. =D

Oh, here's the link to the guy's Youtube channel: http://www.youtube.com/user/gootmusic
Till next time.